Tuesday, October 10, 2006

1 person can change you?

I've always heard, all it takes is one person to make a difference in your life...that is so true.
Thanks to an unidentified donor, I had the best birthday ever!

Sorry I haven't updated much lately, I'm actually at a new job, and making a little more money. All of these blessings came at the same time, something I never expected. The unknown hero, who gave more than one should, should be sleeping well. The helping hand gave me a boost in confidence, that I carry like a chip on my shoulder.

Life seems to stand still right now, allowing me to catch up. I only hope I can carry this torch all the way to christmas time :)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Feliz Cumpleano

This upcoming week is my birthday, which took 2nd place behind the death of a family member. Celebrating Life, and mourning death is what life is about...but doing both at once is stressful.

When I first began detailing my life, it was very therapeutic for me. Everyday that passed, reminded me of my upcoming birthday, which in turn reminded me of my stagnant financial situation. Thank God to an unknown hero, who made a donation, that will make sure My son and I will be able to celebrate my birthday together. The unexpected birthday present, displays the kind hearts that people in this country have, and ultimately, it shows that a close mouth does not get fed.

If you are reading this right now, I would like to thank you, on behalf of me and my son. Tears of joy flow from my eyes, may god bless you and your family. I don't have any plans yet, but I do wish to take photographs of me and my son together, to remind us of this year. I wish I could send you one, if you are reading this, I would be willing to send you a picture of my family, as a token of our appreciation. God Bless

Friday, September 08, 2006

Learning To Owe

Seeing everyone return to school is always fun, I guess its something that I got used to after all these years of school. This year was a rude awakening, I'm actually not gearing up to go to school. At first my parents and I were thankful for living in America and being eligible for Financial Aid, and to this day I am, but thanks to politics, cut-backs and me registering late, therefore making errors in my schedule, I now owe my college $1,046. How is it possible to owe money, after its given to you?

The heartbreaking news that my transcript will not be released until the debt is covered shattered my dreams of finishing school asap. Now, im $1,046 away from going BACK to school. I tried calling Mayor Bloombergs house and office (both numbers are made public) and explain my situation, but his assistants, though very nice and helpful, couldn't do anything to help me with this matter. There is nothing that I would rather do right now than be in school. Has this happened to anyone before? Were you able to solve this problem without coming out of pocket? Financial aid was my main source of income, even more than my side-jobs, how do they expect me to come up with that money, when I was on financial aid in the first place....so here I am...my only joy was being a student, thats what seperated me from the characters in my neighborhood, now..Im just another face.... :(.....

Wake me up when September ends...

The 9th month of the year..end of the summer and beginning of fall...back to school, September signals a change in everything...heck, even fashion. But in my case, September brings with it my birth date. Most people live to celebrate their birthdays, me on the other hand wish I could skip through it. Whats there to celebrate? well...being born I guess is a reason to celebrate, but what am I going to celebrate with?

I turn 22 this month, hardly the monument but Im glad to see this age. Its just so different when your in school, and they make it seem that once you get out of High School your life will change for the better. I walk by the same people in my neighborhood everyday, and Im not ashamed (well i have no choice) to say that I reside next to druggies and hustlers. But in my pursuit for liberty and happiness, I see myself neck and neck with these same people. Yes, im getting an education, but whats to seperate me from them? We live in the same neighborhood, and in my case the same building, we look the same, and occasionally dress the same. We even get randomly searched by Police the same for crying out loud.

Alot of people ask what I've got lined up for my birthday, and I randomly throw out suggestions, as if my options were so broad, but the truth is I don't :(

Im in no position to get the 'wants' in life, Im used to just settling for the 'needs', but what happens when the wants become the needs? I used to want a laptop...now I need one. I used to want a cellphone, now I need one. I used to want to celebrate my birthday, as if I was getting my own special on MTV...now I need to. Being humble is something I take pride in, but I am a grown man now, I would love to see what's out there for me...Hopefully these sorrows becoming either entertaining or sadening enough for someone to intervene. If I had the choice, I would help out a student in need as opposed to a pan handler ...

Monday, August 28, 2006

Give A $%#^$

As I sit and write this in a Public Library, I can't help but think...who would give a fuck? As many people that are suffering, why would any one give a rats ass about me. Because Im the same kid, that acts just as professional as you, but gets off 4 stops after you on the train, in a bad neighborhood, and wonders whats it like to get off on Wall St. or Jay St., knowing that I'm going home. For you to care, I would have to be of the same blood or next of kin, and chances are, im neither. Thats why I'm campaigning for a better life, It would be too much to ask anyone to give a fuck...that's why all I ask for is a buck.

Many poor souls feel that leaving their physical being would solve all their problems, I believe that there are good souls out there that help others in need, I have a family that cares about me, but unfortunately due to our inherited poverty, can't care FOR me. I'm on a Cal Ripken-like streak of bad holidays. Why look forward to something that's going to remind you that you're unable to obtain small material things that make you feel a part of society.

I wonder if Santa received my wish for a cell-phone....oh wait that was 5 years ago. Did the three kings bring anything with my name on it?...still waiting. Why noone pays attention or sees signs of a tortured soul? Well it's cause I try to work hard for mine, but my soul's weary, I'm a strong person, with too much integrity to show my face and pull a publicity stunt. For all those that donate, I will send them a personalized letter, along with a picture.

Where's faith?

When you believe in a higher spiritual being, you tend to have more patience than the next person, you sometimes can deal with loses or extreme situations with relative ease better than others, and heck...you sometimes don't even mind eating left over's all of a sudden. But in our minds which is controlled by "time" which is man-made...you begin to wonder...when will faith intervene? Everything that goes around, comes around...am I coming or going?

I came to New York before my 5th birthday, and to the best of my knowledge, I was a happy kid. SO happy in fact, that I grew up thinking I had it all...until I hit 12..and all of a sudden that new video game was not a priority. At this point in life, most look at not being able to buy something as a sign of parents not understanding...but to me it was a rude awakening; I was poor. It was not a coincidence that my neighborhood was ravaged, poor and crime riddled, this i would learn later, was the center of the biggest man-made disaster in the history of America...the hood.

Trying to make the best out of bad situations seems like the plot of my life. At 22, with hopes of graduating college, Im a role model in my community and with my family. Smile for a picture here...tell a little classroom story there...a future prospect. Inside that shield, lies an empty soul, that passes the days by letting the days pass. Food is at the top of the pyramid, followed by clothes...anything after that is..a blessing? With out any intervention from someone on this Earth, my life could very well change dramatically within minutes...my mind is strong...but the millions these marketing corporations spend to target little ol me, with their blinged-out phones, air-bubbled sneakers and spinning-wheeled cars...I NEED FEMA!

Sounds like a walk in the park, cause at the end of the movie the good-guys prevail..this ain't a movie. Day-to-Day, is a struggle...and week-to-week is a mission...help this good-guy win :(